TittyBarMetaphysics

rolled a cigarette and took in the view

2004-07-18T07:14:00.000-07:00

Well, I finally pulled my head out of my ass today. My Mother would be proud. I imagine she threw her bong and harp down and stood cheering from the Heavens. I thought it was darn cool of her to write that note for me. Nearly 15 years after he death and she still covers for me. Thanks Mom!

Creative work on the table with a new restaurant concept. Meetings scheduled with fingers crossed. It will only take a miracle to pull this off. Oh yes, I still believe.

Family reunion took place on a sunny beach in Florida. Judgemental Christians sharing cocktails and shrimp. Misplaced my wand therefore I failed to make it, doubt seriously I was missed. The funniest thing ever to come out of grandmother's mouth was "I worry about the one with the little girl" We think she was talking about her youngest daughter who's name she forgot, the little girl would have been me. I was 30 at the time. I wonder if she remembered her daughters name when she met her at Heaven's gate, gee that would really be embarressing. Hello, my name is Gussie, have we met? Hello Mother, Welcome to the other side. The little girl rides an emotional roller coaster in Germany and she's 42 now. Is she ok? The Jury's still out.

A note from my mother

2004-06-23T00:07:00.000-07:00

Please excuse Dory from making posts in her blog. She's been entertaining her depression, therefore taking a leave of absence form her keyboard. Dory will return to her on-line journal as soon as she pulls her head out of her ass.

Sincerely,
Dory's Mother

Washed my face with fresh tears today

2004-06-08T01:49:00.000-07:00

Holly The Super Tabby Kitty Girl has decided to die.
To watch this slow dance is excruciating.
I promised her a garden and failed to deliver.
Gazing down at the Earth she lost from our high rise balcony, silently crying.
Social butterfly that she is desiring to have tea with our neighbors.
Hopi awaits her on the other side, sister's re-united.
ashes to ashes, dust to dust in a copper urn without a garden to thrust......

Nicotine Weight Loss Program Banned

2004-06-02T00:04:00.000-07:00

It's been 154 days since my last cigarette.
I don't miss the taste of elf shit in my mouth, I miss my body.
Evicted my wardrobe today without notice.
Voluptuous woman seeking comfortable, stylish clothing.
I can see my ego pouting in the back seat through my rear-view mirror.
Health is savoring each moment riding shot gun knowing this could be the last...

You're 262 days late for work.

2004-05-30T01:06:00.000-07:00

I joined the Rich & Lazy Network today

http://www.ryze.com/go/dorlon

A tree house on an island is where I want to sleep in my hammock for two over looking the beach.

I now attract to me quality and motivated people who make a positive contribution to my life, dreams and endeavors. I am filled with gratitude for the laws of attraction and the fruits of my labors.

Negligent Blogger

2004-05-29T01:54:00.000-07:00

Writer's block does not exist, a brain fuck is all that is.

A hyper inflated ego crossed my path.
Compliments never served.
Back handed insults without eye contact.
Jealousy is the the lunch special I've dined on all my life.
enjoy the flavor.

In the future the personality will stay safely stashed at home.
I shall mumble into the microphone.
Feeding the fragile ego of the one who can't make laughter but brilliant rhyme.
I'll get em in London with my stage time.

Poetry Slam Gong Show Open Mic........................

2004-05-26T01:47:00.000-07:00

Tonight I shall stretch my poetry wings. No, no, I'm no poet. I prefer the ha ha. I can make you spit beer through you nose, but poetry, prose and rhyme? EEK! Gasp! What have I done??!!

The scent of his skin in the early morning arouses a passion in me I've never known.
I watch him sleep.
I check his breathing in the stillness of the night.......
OH! Who am I kidding? Everything stinks! They mattress, the bedding, curtains, carpets and sheets.
Up his ass something did crawl.
It wants out to the detriment of us all.
Our cats, the dogs and neighbors must suffer all because someone had cream with their supper.

"Ode to the lactose intolerant male"
who woulda thought methane gas production could be poetry?

Tree Hugging Hippies in Pursuit of The Divine

2004-05-25T01:46:00.000-07:00

The title says it all.

I believe that organized religion was created by a few men to control the masses using fear and it was all about ticket sales.

As an only child, I craved social stimulation and asked my Mother if we could start going to church, like when I was little and we lived with Grandma. My Mother sat me down and said "I will give you a ride to church and money to tithe until you're old enough to earn your own way, under one condition and one condition only. When you come home, if you don't try to make me believe, I won't try to make you dis-believe" She looked me in the eye when she said it and I knew she meant business. It turned out to be the greatest gift a parent could give a child. She sent me out into the world of organized religion with an open heart and mind. She did not attempt to force feed her belief system or lack of upon me. I was allowed to make my own decision about what I heard based upon how it made me feel. My mother always told me that the best barometer for the deacon making process was my gut instincts and my heart. She was right. I trusted her because she never lied to me. When I questioned her about the existence of the Easter Bunny (another story and hysterical at that) she told me the truth. I was 8 years old. She did not try to sell me on the concept of bunny delivering a basket of chocolate. She knew it must sound absurd and therefore told me who the Easter Bunny was. It turned out to be her! My Mom was so COOL! I am a spiritual person because she taught me how to "feel" and to treat my fellow humans with respect. She was the most God like person I've ever met.

with the enthusiasm of Tigger on crack with obnoxious joy..............

2004-05-24T08:40:00.000-07:00

I embrace this day with enthusiasm as spring has finally decided to visit Bavaria. Normally I do not allow the weather to rule my emotions, however after an 8 month long winter I was begining to question the meaning of life. Yesterday a parka. Today, sundress, sandals and light sweater. I promised myself that tomorrow I will pound out the first chapter of Titty Bar Metaphysics, a spiritual comedy about Reiki Strippers healing the Universe with love, light and nudity. It just occurred to me that if I took my clothes off I could evacuate half of Central Europe. "Large, white pasty buttocks were responsible for half of Europe's departure for the sunny beaches of Spain today" German's have tans even in winter. I guess I could go to the electric beach for a little fake & bake to obtain that healthy glow. hum, the pale & pasty is actually the healthier choice. Have sun screen will travel 12 paces to my balcony as the Englisher Garten is not an option today. The site of me could do permanent damage to unsuspecting tourist. I shall fine tune my procrastination skills to the sound of chirping birds and my own skin roasting beneath the Bavarian sky.

Sunday

2004-05-23T07:33:00.000-07:00

Mood: melancholy
Weather: Typical Bavarian, cold. Who failed to notify God it's Spring? 12 degrees Celsius on the 23rd of May is WRONG!

The Dogs have gas today and this makes me wonder, should we change their diet? They stink up the house, I burn incense, they wait until the stick is spent and stink it up again. Yes, it would be cheaper to change their food or to buy stock in Nag Champa.

I'm bored.

Someone once said only stupid people get bored. I guess my I.Q. just plummeted to an all time low.

Going to mop the kitchen and see if I can drive that I.Q. up a bit.

Talked to Andy today

2004-05-22T11:17:00.000-07:00

Today I decided to create a Blog after reading a post about Andy Kaufman. If he can fake is own death, then I can fake my own existence. 20 years after his death, he's still pulling pranks.
Hats off to Bob Zmuda for making Andy's last wish true. People all over the world are being manipulated by a comedic genius that died 20 years ago. Fucking Brilliant!